I initially thought I’d wait until I would write my success story before posting this but I’m having a moment right now and I need to share it.
It’s quite a long one, sorry.
It’s been a while since I posted something and I think my last post was about how incredibly happy I was to be able to take a 1 hour train from university to my parents’ place.
Well, I am in Lebanon right now. Yes! You read right, I am in Beirut.
I took a 3 hours train to the airport, went through check in and security thinking I was about to pass out, had a 3 hours layover in a huge, crazy airport where I really thought this was it, that I would faint or puke… then went on the second plane thinking I’d shit myself (sorry for the glam vibe here).
I then was picked up by a taxi driver in a very unfamiliar place at 3am and dropped in front of the hostel door.
All that time, my mind was racing. Racing like it has not been racing for years now.
Intense sensations were back. Just like in the beginning of my relationship with anxiety.
I was shaking, felt cold then warm, then cold again, etc. etc. I would have gone back home before even reaching the first airport if… I didn’t have DARE.
I defused, I accepted, I ran towards and I engaged and here I am, living the dream.
It’s the beginning of my stay here but I don’t want to play anxiety’s game and only write a success post after the trip, only if it was 100% enjoyable and comfortable.
Because who knows what can happen now right? Well to that question I just want to answer with a huge SO WHAT?!
Because I already won.
Yes I am exhausted, yes I’m having sensations, yes anxiety is still here, full on still here, but I am in f*****g Beirut and I know I am getting my life back.
What I realised just an hour ago is that I wouldn’t have done this before… Before anxiety turned my life into a nightmare.
This nightmare showed me that things don’t need to be easy all the time and that the best things in life are on the other side of our fears.
It showed me that dreams matter and that we have to fight to get them.
DARE is the tool that made me turn these concepts into reality.
I don’t remember who posted this but someone on this group did post this:
First do what is necessary
Then do what is possible
And you will find yourself doing the impossible!
That’s what I did.
Started with going to the grocery store, then to class, and here I am, doing what I never thought I would have had the balls to do. Just. Do. It.
Like, no joke. Take your time, trust the process, but JUST. DO. IT.